many thanks...

I have many blessings to be thankful for this year. Some of them are family, some of them are friends, some of them are strangers, some of them are events. You know who you are, and I can't even begin to tell you how much you mean to me. :)

I hope today brought you many smiles when you thought of all you have to be thankful for, many laughs with family, and a very full belly of delicious food. :)

Happy Thanksgiving to my wonderful friends!!

sheer hope

I think my visitor is coming into town. Lets just all hope that she is here for more than just a quick little trip. :)

so lonesome...

Rob works from home. BF (Before the Fire) his "office" was in the livingroom. Even if he was working he was around. Now, his office (no quotes this time... he actually has his own room with a door) is upstairs. He has been working his ass off lately for us. The major downside? I feel like I live here alone with the girls. He comes down for dinner and maybe a little at night, but other than that, he is holed up in his office. He came down to take out the trash and move the containers to the cub, but other than that... I haven't even seen him since dinner. I am kind of lonely...

Ugh, I feel like a bad country song.

anxious...

I applied for another job. The waiting part is what sucks the most for me. I can barely handle it. It isn't just the job... I am awaiting a visit from a monthly visitor and I am pretty sure that she is late. Ugh, the stress is killing me.

blah

As much as I love this not working thing... it is taking its toll on me. I am getting stir crazy. I am used to getting out and about and conversing with people that are not under the age of 6 or Rob. Rob is driving me bonkers, we really need a little space from each other from time to time. I HATE not having money. I am used to cash in hand after practically every shift. I could buy something silly or frivolous things if I wanted. Right now, I feel bad for getting a pop at the gas station. It is annoying. That whole rejection thing is starting to get me down too. Meh. Suck it up sista.

something better will come along...

I got a rejection email. On to bigger and better things right?

interview- done.

I had my interview on Friday at 1. I think that it went well, but it is so nerve wracking to actually go through the process. I should know something by Friday on whether or not I got the job. Fingers are crossed. :)

called and scheduled

I got the call that I passed my testing. Friday at 1:00pm is my interview. I have a couple friends that work there and they gave me some pointers. I am going to learn about the process that they use to interview and hopefully will know it out of the park.

Oh... and not working today was AWESOME!

dee. oh. nee. eeee.

My days at the bar are over and done. (Well, until I sit on the other side of one for a much needed happy hour trip.) My last nights went really well. I felt very loved. Some of my regulars got me a card. A couple girls got all teary eyed. I even got a cookie cake and baked Alaska. :) It is surreal. It doesn't feel like it is over yet. Ask me how it feels not to work on a Friday. It is going to be amazing.

I went for my testing today. I don't like to do things half assed, so I didn't have the best feeling in the world when I left. I think the typing test threw me off. I am used to my little laptop keyboard and I had a desktop keyboard... ok, I am basically just coming up with excuses. lol I have to remind myself that I normally type around 60 words per minute, so as long as I hit the 35 mark I will be happy... and will pass. I am just really hoping that I hear something soon. I will hear something either way, but I am really hoping that it is the positive end of things. My nerves are through the roof. I mean I haven't done this whole interviewing process in forever.

one more down.

Tonight is my last night at work. I am happy to report that the work situation has improved greatly. I am excited and nervous to be done. It is hard to believe that the end of an era is approaching for me.
On a happy note, I had a phone interview today. We scheduled testing for Wednesday. I hear that the testing is pretty easy so I should be fine in that regard. After that is a face to face interview and wait. :) Keep your fingers crossed for me. :)

getting it off my chest.

I interact with more than a handful of people on a regular basis. I have a job where it is the same staff and the same group of regulars. It is really sad when one of those people turn on you. I had a friend, a really good friend at a point in time. Somewhere in the last few months something changed. That person started getting short, snotty and rude with me. I can't pinpoint what shifted the change, but it has gotten ugly. So ugly that she is one of the main reasons I quit my job. It had gotten to a point that strangers were commenting whenever there was any type of interaction between the two of us. I was (and am) bound and determined to not let others know how I am truly feeling about the situation. (Well, besides the very few people that I have very close personal relationships with, and the owners of the company.) When I put in my notice, I felt that as a person in a management position that it was imperative that I voiced my displeasure, as this person is technically above me. I probably should have just shut my mouth and let her find out some other way. My time at work has been gut wrenching. I physically feel like vomitting when I walk into work. The first week, I was completely ignored. COMPLETELY. I would ask a direct question, or make a statement and get met with a blank glare or have her walk away mid sentence. Any communication was done through a third party. I mean seriously, how old are we? We are both about to be 30 and I am getting the silent treatment. Week 2 was even worse, she was making small talk. I think that it was worse because she would say something to me and then walk away giggling with someone else. It is a total mind fuck. I can't wait for my remaining days to play out. Oh did I mention that her significant other works there too? It is just a walk in the park. Ugh.

Step 1

My resume has been sent to my friend that works at the company I am hoping to work for. Next step, application, testing and interview. Keep your fingers crossed for me.

ugly, no good, rotten day

I am officially over Mondays. Today has been not good. Work is trying to say the least. I want to scream, vent, yell. It won't do me any good, so I just suck it up. 13 more days... 13 more days.

Just a typical Sunday afternoon

10/10/10 just another day right? Well, sort of. I spent my Sunday afternoon meeting Stevie Wonder, musical legend. :) No big deal.

pardon me...

Pardon me for a second while I am an asshole.

I understand that we went through a really traumatic event. Maybe it hasn't even hit me fully. Yes, I cried. I was a basket case for 2 days. Then, I just stopped crying. I haven't cried once since about the whole thing. I snapped out of whatever it was and have been moving on. Yes, I have had anxiety issues, but I do the best I can and move on. With that said... dear boyfriend of mine, I am so tired of hearing about your lack of sense of smell/taste since the incident. I am not blowing it off, but if you refuse to do anything about it. I refuse to hear about it anymore. You had a panic attack when we were cleaning out the storage unit. You were in a closed up van and the smell got to you. I get it, I really do. Your body's way of coping is to shut down your sense of smell. I am not a doctor of any sort but it seems pretty damn logical to me. The options you have to fix it are going to involve medication and/or therapy of some sort. I am just losing my ability to be sympathetic to you if you won't do anything about it. There are only so many times I can listen to you talk about it before I lose it. The topic is wearing oh so thin with me right now.

The details.

I was unhappy at my job. I was tired, really, really tired. So, I did something about it. I quit. I quit because I am ready to have a big kid job. I am ready to get up in the morning and be a contributing member of society. I am ready for a steady paycheck and benefits. I was tired of being treated like I didn't matter. As the fact that I have quit has sunk in, I am really, really happy with it. My decision was made purely for me. I finally stuck up for me. Granted it took me having a near breakdown in Walmart to realize it. It took a sick baby with a fever and a mishap at the pharmacy to realize how much I couldn't handle it anymore. It took screaming and crying to realize that my happiness is not worth a job. I shouldn't have to cry about my job. A shitty paying job at that. I haven't ever gotten a raise, in the almost 7 years that I have been there. I work terrible hours. I am over it and done. Oh and that shittiness that I was expecting because of it. Yeah, pretty sure that my last few weeks are going to be terrible. I am already dreading going in and dealing with it. I am better than it, so I will grit my teeth and bare it. At the end of the day, I still did it. :)

one big step...

I quit my job. I should say that I gave my notice, I gave more than 2 weeks to be nice but I did it. It had gotten to a nasty point. I hated every second that I was there. I hated being disrespected and treated like crap. So, I quit. No I don't have a job... yet. I am working on my resume and have a job to apply to. Please keep your fingers crossed for me.
When I gave my notice to the owner I also let them know why, specifically. I have a feeling that this will cause my last weeks there to be very uncomfortable. I am on the verge of a panic attack and there is nothing that I can do about it. I am not the greatest with confrontation, but I have a sneaking suspicion that I am going to have to defend myself/try and ignore a barrage of comments and heckles. I know what I did is the right thing, but that doesn't make this feeling in the pit of my stomach go away. The kicker is that I am not the only one that felt this way, but I will be targeted. In fact as I was writing this it started. I am trying to remain professional, but it is really hard when I feel like I am being bullied for doing what I thought was necessary.

I guess that I am a photographer.

I started a Flickr account so that it would be easier to share pictures with everyone. Well, I guess that it has paid off. I received an email yesterday that a photo that I took (and can be found on my Flickr account) is on the short list to be included in the twelfth edition of Schmap Chicago Guide. You can check out the eleventh edition here. It doesn't pay anything, the guide is free... but, if my picture is picked I get my name below a picture that I took.

Here is the picture that may be included.

This is the view out of our window while staying at the Doubletree. Lake Michigan can be seen between the buildings.

(This is the exact blog post that I used for our family blog too.)

facial update

My lip is back to normal size. Hooray!!! I have a couple days of antibiotics left and still have a little knot in my lip. Any ideas on how to get rid of this??? A friend told me to massage it, but I honestly have no clue. It is affecting (effecting?? I can never tell the difference of those two.) my smile and makes me look like I have lost the ability to control some muscles on that side of my mouth. I am just vain enough to be bothered by it. Any ideas would be helpful.

What's been up

Nothing much new on my end. Too much working, too little sleep. I feel like I am constantly tired and could sleep hours upon hours and hours if uninterrupted.

The biggest deal in my life lately?? Another stint in the ER. Friday night Rob and I were hanging out in the kitchen. (For some reason this is the place we hang out and talk... weird.) I was sitting on the kitchen counter, I jumped off the counter, lost my footing and managed to smack my face. No, I was not drunk. Honestly, this would be a much more entertaining story if I was. I am pretty graceful, not sure if you knew that or not. I split the inside of my lip with one of my teeth. No broken face bones or chipped teeth, so I would say that I was more than happy to deal with a teeny bit of blood and the probability of a fat lip. The next couple days it is uncomfortable, but not overly swollen. I had a minor bruise below my lip, but I managed to cake about 4 pounds of make up on it and no one was the wiser. Fast forward to Tuesday, my lip is big. Like legit fat lip big. I am popping ibprofen and icing the thing ALL DAY long. I was googling remedies to reduce swelling. I was doing everything that I could. Wednesday morning was even worse. In a matter of a couple hours my lip had doubled in size. As a last ditch effort I took a couple Benadryl in case it was allergy related. After waking up from my Benadryl coma (that shit knocks me out... like watch out, bitch needs to sleep) my lip was bigger still. I simply told Rob he had to drive me to the ER. I wasn't about to deal with the kids in the ER, so I was going to have to brave it myself. I was all super strong until the nurse starts messing with it. She is poking and squeezing. I am 29 and was crying like a teensy little baby. The doctor told me that they were going to need to drain my lip. I had an infection and they were going to get as much out as possible. Then, he explained to me that they were going to shoot something into my mouth, with a needle (YIKES!!) and then dig around in my lip to get out the infection. Hi, my name is Kimm and I am freaking the fuck out at this point. As soon as he left the room I called my mom. I was playing it off like I was keeping her up to date on the situation. She asked if I was OK and I lost my mind. God bless her wonderful soul, she left work (which happens to be across the street from the hospital) and came right over. She held my hand as I cried hysterically because I was panicing about the shot... in my face. I was nervous. I sobbed like a child and had to be talked down by my mom and an EMT that just wanted to make sure that I was OK. (She had noticed that I was alone in the beginning, she wanted to make sure that there was someone there with me during this shinanny.) The lady who did the digging... just thinking about it makes my skin crawl. There was a point in time where I just wanted to scream at her to leave me the fuck alone for a minute. Turns out the shot that they gave me numbed a nerve that runs the whole bottom half of my face. Problem was, I was still in some serious pain from them squeezing, etc. The EMT told me that the numbness isn't able to work past the infection, which is why I was still in pain. The discharge nurse made sure that I got a couple vicodan to take right then and there before I left. :) God bless that wonderful discharge nurse. As I left the ER my lip was bigger than it was when I got there, plus it had split open on top and was bleeding from the pressure, oh, and I have a nice little bruise under my lip. Plus side??? I had a Rx for tylenol 3 with codine and an antibiotic, my face was numb, I had taken 2 pain killers, my mom was there to make me feel better and she bought me a shake on the way home. I haven't really moved from my bed since then. Emma makes a mean ice pack and gets water at lightening speed. Arabel is fantastic at cuddling with me. Rob has made sure that I have food, and runs errands that needed to be done, and wakes me up to take my medication. Rest was a strict doctor's order. As of very early Friday morning (2:15am ish) my lip is almost back to its normal size. There is still some swelling but it is feeling better. Please note that I am not some crazy pain killer addict... before I went in to the ER I had spent the last 24 hours in serious pain from this. At this point, I am not ready to let my medication lapse to see how bad the pain is, I know what they did to me... I am no super woman.

*If you want to see what it looked like... let me know. I will post a picture, I just don't want to offend anyone.

minus 1

I weighed myself today. I am down 1 pound since I wrote my post that expressed my want for a better me. I am totally OK with any progress, even though it is 1 pound in 2 weeks. (Plus, pretty sure that I am retaining a mass amount of water due to my impending shark week.)

I have drastically cut down on my pop intake. I have been drinking iced tea when I feel the urge for something other than water at work. I haven't cut out pop completely, but it is one of my vices. Plus, fountain Coke and Dr. Pepper make me swoon.

We have gotten out of the house, we walked to the park today. I drastically underestimated the amount of time that it would take us to get there. So much so, that Rob picked us up at the park rather than making the trek back. I also chose to eat another ear of corn and some extra watermelon when I was still hungry and in need for a snack earlier.

gold star for me

I am feeling good. These changes I have wanted to make are falling into place. My cleaning projects are being completed. I am so proud of myself for keeping on track. Just needed to give myself a virtual pat on the back for keeping with my goals!

Feeling good

My new goals are going... I mean I haven't given up completely yet so that is one score. :) The house is slowly getting cleaner. (It was kind of really bad, so I didn't expect it to be perfect overnight.)

Today, I spent a couple hours (yes, hours) cleaning the girls room. Holy crap people, my kids are spoiled to death. They have soooo much stuff. It wouldn't have taken me so long if I wasn't lazy about keeping up on it, well, that and if my kids weren't little piglets. All that I have left to do is clean the carpets. Which is going to be quite the task. Those girls have ruined beige carpet. I will NEVER ever put carpet in a kid's room if it were my choice. Hardwood floors and area rugs WILL be in my future. :)

Arabel was sick yesterday. I don't know how to deal with sick kids. Random, but I don't know what to do. My kids don't really ever get sick. Yesterday was a test for me. I mean I cleaned up puke, like a lot of puke and didn't even wince. I bathed the sick one quickly, redressed her, and then cuddled her while cleaning up said puke in 3 rooms of the house. She is perfect as pie today. I got to cuddle her all day, and it was great. She is so on the move that I don't really ever get to spend hours cuddling her. Cuddles, a banana and a good nap made a world of difference. :)

I even took Emma for a bike ride yesterday. I was like super mom. Except for the part where I let Emma fall over and scrape her knee. At least she was wearing her helmet.

Arabel is also officially out of her crib. I think that I may be a little crazy for doing it, but she seems to like it so far.

I think that I just died

of happiness. Mint Green with Envy just posted this giveaway. Look at this purse!!

I have been searching for the perfect yellow purse. :) Morelle may have just answered my prayers. *sigh*

I would like to introduce you to...

my new best friend. (It is not a great friendship to form when you are trying to lose weight.) I love him. His name is Micro S'Mores.

Yup, I said it. My new best friend is a handy little gadget that makes my most favorite dessert in the microwave. No open flames, no burnt marshmallows... just melty, yummy, gooey goodness.
It even came with a recipe book. Who needs a recipe for a S'More? Well, my darling readers... it was full of amazingly delicious sounding variations. I decided to be adventurous and try it out with an Almond Joy instead of the typical chocolate bar. Holy moly, it is my new favorite thing ever.

I wouldn't suggest using more than one marshmallow, it kind of oozes out of the graham cracker and makes a bit of a messy dessert.


*I didn't get compensated in any way for this review. Just my humble opinion.

so far so so.

I have been doing OK with my new goals. I have been in bed on time, so that is great!!! I am watching calories (well, sort of) and have majorly cut down on pop. My new best friend is iced tea. My cleaning routine is coming along. I feel like I am playing catch up but so far, I am not disappointed. I haven't exactly started exercising, but I am OK with where I am at so far.

I had to take Em into get her shots for school today. That was ummm.... fun. She freaked when it was time to get the actual shots and had to be held down by 2 nurses and me, all while kicking and screaming. As soon as the nurse was done, E politely apologized for screaming in her ear. I wiped our tears and went to the car and immediately called my mom. I was terrified of needles as a child and I remember being held down by multiple nurses to get blood drawn. I knew that she would sympathize. She did, as I was telling her that things like that make me feel like such a bad mom, Emma pipes up from the back seat. "Mommy, you are not the worst mom in the world. In fact you are the best mom in the whole world. I know you had to do that to keep me healthy. That is why you are the best mom ever." I have never gotten a better compliment ever. The fact that it came from tear stained 5 year old made it even better. We treated ourselves to some coffee type drinks as a reward for making it through. It wasn't the most ideal way to spend an afternoon, but it worked out in the end.

To make today even better, I made E's favorite dinner grilled cheese. We had grilled cheese and applesauce on the deck as a picnic. It wasn't the world's most nutritious dinner but it made her happy. Dessert was s'mores in the microwave. It was a good end to the day.

My glass is half full.

check this out

I know some talented people!! Little Bug Jewelry is on one of my mom boards. She is ridiculously talented!! I have been drooling over everything in her shop for as long as I have known about it. I learned that Mint Green with Envy is hosting a giveaway. I HAD to jump at the chance to get entered. :) Check it out!!

On my way to a better body.

Here is it. As of today 5/16:

Weight: 150
pant size: 8/10

I will be posting periodic updates on my progress!

the glass is half full

I have always thought that I was an optimist. Lately, I have noticed that I am much more of a Debbie Downer than I have ever been before. This is going to change. I am going back to my happy go lucky self.

I am tired of being tired and seemingly always crabby. I am tired of having a dirty house. This is going to change. I am tired of feeling like I am not spending enough "fun" time with my kids. This is going to change.

I made a schedule... Every day there is something cleaning wise that will HAVE to be done. If I force myself to do the things that I have planned, then they will more than likely get done. We aren't a very scheduled family, and I feel like we kind of need the structure, for me as much as the kids.

I am going to go to bed at a normal hour, when I can. Midnight at the latest will be my goal for those days that I am not working. On nights that I do work, I will give myself an hour of unwind time and then it will be off to dreamland. Hopefully, this way when the kids get up I will not feel like a zombie. This should also help the "fun" time dilemma. We are going to have at least one day per week that involves getting out and about. We have a membership to the local children's museum, why not take full advantage to it?

Emma is going to start getting an allowance. She will have a list of tasks that she is required to complete in order to earn her allowance. This will include things like: be kind and polite & follow directions along with her daily chores (put dirty laundry in basket, pick up/ put away toys, etc.) I am struggling on how much a kid should get these days? I was thinking that $5 a week would be good. Let me know your ideas.

Rob and I are also going to have to be on a better budget. I am going to figure out exactly what bills are due when and how much they are. From that we will figure out how much wiggle room we have for eating out, etc.

I am ready to be healthy, like really healthy. I am ready to make the commitment. I am going to start getting into shape. I am not getting any younger and the longer I wait the harder it will be. I want to be a super hot mama!! I am kind of jealous of those facebook posts about taking a run. I WILL be one of those people. I would love to lose some of the leftover baby weight and tighten those abs back up. I figure that if I stick with it I will reward myself somehow, maybe a new iPod so I can listen to a kick ass work out mix with it.

Writing it down will now keep me accountable. Bug me about it, guilt me into working out if I haven't. I may need the push. lol

a year older

I am officially 29 now. It was less than exciting. Next year I am hoping that Rob does something awesome for me.

Mother's Day=awesome. I slept most of the day and was awakened with lettuce wraps and a coke from McD's. The kids got me a throw blanket and a bigger memory card for my camera.

Bday= kind of lame. Mom made me cupcakes, I was surprised with a cake at work. I am guessing that I don't get presents anymore... which kind of sucks. I take that back, one of my faves at work got me a pretty kick ass present, that consisted of Dollar Spot items from Target. Seriously, it was a Disney Princess explosion and it is awesome. (I am currently rocking one of my princess headbands.) I did get a nice framed picture of me and gfs too. I guess that I should stop bitching... I did have like 100 (not exaggerating here) people wish me happy birthday on facebook.

Other than that little update, there is NOTHING new going on with me.

Pissing and moaning to commence

You have been warned, a pity party for me is in session.

It seems like we can't catch a break. No house after being strung along for 3 weeks. We can't find anything else right now. We have needs and nothing is meeting those needs that we have found. I am frustrated and annoyed. Not to mention the fact that I would like to punch that seller in the gut for stringing us along for so long and then... boom, psych!!! You can't have it. Blech.

The J.O.B. sucks my ass. I got screwed into taking different shifts and essentially losing serious cash every week. Not to mention that now I am management again, which just means more headache. This reminds me why I quit 2 years ago. Trust me, the idea of a regular ole job is super appealing to me right now. (Minus that whole, not being at home with the kids thing.) A job that offers insurance!! The idea of having health care would literally make me scream with joy. No worrying about how much this is going to end up costing me. Did I even mention that we are open regular hours on Easter??? Tomorrow, I get to break the news to my kids and my mom/family that mommy can't do anything, I have to work. What a joke. Is Easter that big of a deal to me as a holiday? Nope. The point is that it is a freaking holiday and holidays are meant to spend with family. I instead will be with a bunch of girls at work while they are all bitching about the fact that they aren't able to be with their family. Sounds super fun huh? Anyone want to trade?

well...

No house. We just got the email. I pretty much quit today. Plus, with Vandy effing my bracket... March Madness isn't looking so hot for me either.

Over and out.

just a bit of a smile

I am smiling... slightly... we have unofficially gotten the house. We are awaiting official confirmation that the offer was accepted in the next few days. Keep up your positive thoughts for the next few days for me. I really want this and hope that this happens. Time still will tell. I can't express how much I appreciate the positive vibes that everyone is sending us. I have the best friends ever.

I talked with my BFF, she is going to move home!!!!!!! OMG I am so excited I could just pee my pants!! Her and hubby are currently looking for jobs back here. I can't wait to have my BFF back in the same state. Also, she is off birth control! Skweeeeeeeee!! I can't wait until I get a phone call that I will have a niece/nephew!!!

I got a promotion... well, sort of. I am back to managing again at work. I have been filling in as a manager for awhile now. Except now I have 2 manager shifts a week. Which is great and sucky at the same time. I was basically forced into the position. I am forced to give up a very lucrative bartending shift... which doesn't make me happy. But, I guess that it means that they trust me enough to run the place... again.

I posted a kiddie update at the girl's blog.

no news is good news???

Let's hope that the no news is good news theory. I haven't heard anything on the house. Oy. I will most certainly have an ulcer if this takes too much longer. Thank you for your positive thoughts, prayers and hopes. You continue to keep me positive about the situation.

Also, thank you for reading that last blog. I was very frustrated, worried, anxious... every possible feeling under the sun. I know that only a couple few of you actually read this and those that read are those that I trust with those type of feelings. I can't express how grateful I am to you. <3

Enough of the mushy stuff.

I read about an idea today. A bucket list of sorts, except it is 30 things to do by the time you are 30. Do you have any ideas on what I should include on my 30 by 30 list?? Just remember that I only have 1 year, 2 months and 3 days until I am 30. No pressure though... right? lol

Where to start??

First off, let me say that I miss my mom forum. I once had a forum that I poured myself into. I made it run when the "owner" was gone. I kept things going. I had a moment of clarity where I felt that I was being used and not appreciated. The forum has since then went under. I don't miss the BS that went along with it, but I miss the fact that I don't have a way to talk to all of my friends on a daily basis. (Yes, Kristin, I am talking to you.) I miss the fact that I could post any random thought and get support and ideas on the subject. Yes, I understand there is facebook, but it is not the same. I am not about to post the same things there that I was comfortable to post at the private forum. I am very thankful that it really has shown me who my friends are though. I am a part of a local mom forum, but I feel like I am infiltrating a group of women that have been friends forever, and I am an outsider. Nothing like a ego blow to try and make friends.

This is what brought this whole thing on:

I put an offer in on a house on Sunday. I, me. Not us, me. No, nothing is wrong between Rob and I. In fact we are fantastic. He was talking about booking a special trip for us to NYC, because he has something special in store. (Not getting my hopes up though....) Here is the back story. Rob's dad called him on Saturday and said that the govt had revised the first time home buyers tax credit. If you close before 5/1 you can amend your 2009 tax return by 7/1 and get the tax credit (up to $8000) back immediately rather than waiting the whole year. He had a major bug up his ass and wanted us to find something NOW, and get it done. Here is the deal. We, as in neither of us, have the credit to get a mortgage at the moment. Our option is a land contract. We, and when I say we... I mean Rob, found a house for us. It was a house that he had looked at 10ish years ago. House specs: listed at $140,000, built in 1993 (new in house standards), 3 bedrooms, 2 1/2 baths, 2 car garage, full basement with egress windows (which means bedrooms could be built in the basement), 2 tiered deck on the back, yard.... (my little addition is the fact that there is an adorable little railed in white porch on the front.) It is cute. It is also like 3 blocks from the best elementary school in the district. The middle school is across the street from the elementary school, the high school is only a couple blocks away. Everything in the universe is screaming that this is the perfect house for us. We need at least 3 bedrooms. The basement gives us the option of adding more if we need it, or turning it into an office.
Since Rob's dad has been so gung ho on the whole thing, we told him to make it happen. He was the one who told us to do it, so we decided to have him do the wheeling and dealing. He is an attorney, and will be acting as Realtor anyway. So he calls, finds out there has been a low ball offer for $115,000. Supposedly, the seller counter offered, which we now find out is untrue. I write my offer for $135,000. My offer is submitted on Sunday. On Tuesday we find out that the seller "may" have another offer coming in so he wants all of the possible buyers to submit a best and highest offer by Wed. at 4pm. We look at our offer and the ton of research that has been done and realize that to get this house, it will be in our best interest to cover some of the back taxes owed and to lower our offer in the same amount as the back taxes that are owed. I fully trust the people that are in on this deal. My future FIL is the broker, my future DH is a guy that owned his own mortgage company. We have very good friends that are appraisers. I am in good hands. I am just now awaiting a word on whether we get this house or not. Honestly, it is killing me. I have been sick to my stomach for days. I just need a yes or no and quick or I may develop an ulcer. (So not cut out for this high stress shit.)

Rob and I realized that it would be in our best interest for me to put the offer in without him involved which is why we are doing this. At the end of the 3 year land contract the hope is that we will be married and we will go in for a mortgage together.

Tonight, he then mentions that I need to take some days off work. I mention that the days he is mentioning conflicts with a friend of mine's bacheorlette party. He seems bummed and wonders if I would miss it. Apparently, he had a weekend planned for us to go to NYC for a weekend. He also said that there was something important for me planned that weekend. (He basically told me that he was planning to propose.) I am torn. I want the proposal to happen, but don't see it needing to happen in NYC. If we are looking at buying a house, I don't want to have to take the extra time off work and lose that income. I said this to him and he said that he had looked into flights last night and had found some great airfare. After saying this he mentioned that anything that he could save in airfare would go to my ring fund. So, basically... I know that he is dying to go to NYC anyway. But, I would be thrilled to get proposed to, in NYC... shit anywhere. I would honestly rather him propose to me at our own house (assuming that we get it) and getting a pretty ring. I have been burned too many times before about him having big plans to propose. I just want it to happen, plus I think that anyway or anywhere that he does it will be special. Trip or not.

I got the info that kindergarten round up is in less than a month. Oy. Belle is showing her temper lately. I am drained. My job has been using me as a manger but not exactly paying me for it, and I am not sure how to breech the situation.

Thanks for reading. Any and all comments are appreciated.

I think the time has come

As I realized that 30 is approaching a little bit quicker than I anticipated... it is time to become a big kid. Time to figure out what I want to be when I grow up. It is high time that I go back to school and finally get a degree. The big question that is weighing on my mind is.... what in the heck do I want to do? I have no clue what I want to do with my life. Event planning is a possibility, the only issue there is that I have no idea how to get started. I don't even know where to begin. I would like to think that getting a job in the field would be ideal, but finding jobs are far and few between right now. (At least in Michigan.) Don't get me wrong, I like my job enough... for a job. I am getting older though, and bartending isn't exactly something that works well when you become old and moldy. People don't want their beer served by an old lady, they want hot, young, perky girls. I am already on the old end of the spectrum where I work. I am surrounded by 22 year olds. Tangent aside, it scares the crap out of me. I need to take this next step though. The idea of stepping back into a classroom and going that whole college route really makes me want to squirm. I didn't really like it in the first place, I doubt that will change. Well, I guess that I will just have to suck it up and deal. Another problem... what do I go to school for? I mean I am committed to event planning? Like committed enough to go pay for a degree?? I have no idea. Seriously, I am indecisive as it is... let alone about something that will impact the rest of my life. Oy. What kind of degree does a planner get? Comm? HR? Management? To be honest all of those degrees sound SUPER boring. I bet that I will want to stab myself in the face multiple times during those classes. My first worry should be getting pre-reqs out of the way though. I am hoping that I can do the rest of the pre-reqs I need at the community college and then transfer to Michigan State. But, if I am going to do this I want to be sure. I don't want to repeat my past and take a bunch of classes for something to realize that I want to do something completely different. That is part of the reason that I haven't gone back yet. I don't feel the need to go to school and waste money on classes when I am not even sure what I want to be. Any advice?

are we ever getting out of here???

Rob and I are dying to move. We are literally chomping at the bit at the idea of no longer living in this apartment. We have looked at places... we found a great place. Then, the landlord rented it to someone else. For some reason we are stuck here. We need more room. The girls need space to run and play. We need space for storage. This place is making me claustrophobic now. I need out.