Where to start??

First off, let me say that I miss my mom forum. I once had a forum that I poured myself into. I made it run when the "owner" was gone. I kept things going. I had a moment of clarity where I felt that I was being used and not appreciated. The forum has since then went under. I don't miss the BS that went along with it, but I miss the fact that I don't have a way to talk to all of my friends on a daily basis. (Yes, Kristin, I am talking to you.) I miss the fact that I could post any random thought and get support and ideas on the subject. Yes, I understand there is facebook, but it is not the same. I am not about to post the same things there that I was comfortable to post at the private forum. I am very thankful that it really has shown me who my friends are though. I am a part of a local mom forum, but I feel like I am infiltrating a group of women that have been friends forever, and I am an outsider. Nothing like a ego blow to try and make friends.

This is what brought this whole thing on:

I put an offer in on a house on Sunday. I, me. Not us, me. No, nothing is wrong between Rob and I. In fact we are fantastic. He was talking about booking a special trip for us to NYC, because he has something special in store. (Not getting my hopes up though....) Here is the back story. Rob's dad called him on Saturday and said that the govt had revised the first time home buyers tax credit. If you close before 5/1 you can amend your 2009 tax return by 7/1 and get the tax credit (up to $8000) back immediately rather than waiting the whole year. He had a major bug up his ass and wanted us to find something NOW, and get it done. Here is the deal. We, as in neither of us, have the credit to get a mortgage at the moment. Our option is a land contract. We, and when I say we... I mean Rob, found a house for us. It was a house that he had looked at 10ish years ago. House specs: listed at $140,000, built in 1993 (new in house standards), 3 bedrooms, 2 1/2 baths, 2 car garage, full basement with egress windows (which means bedrooms could be built in the basement), 2 tiered deck on the back, yard.... (my little addition is the fact that there is an adorable little railed in white porch on the front.) It is cute. It is also like 3 blocks from the best elementary school in the district. The middle school is across the street from the elementary school, the high school is only a couple blocks away. Everything in the universe is screaming that this is the perfect house for us. We need at least 3 bedrooms. The basement gives us the option of adding more if we need it, or turning it into an office.
Since Rob's dad has been so gung ho on the whole thing, we told him to make it happen. He was the one who told us to do it, so we decided to have him do the wheeling and dealing. He is an attorney, and will be acting as Realtor anyway. So he calls, finds out there has been a low ball offer for $115,000. Supposedly, the seller counter offered, which we now find out is untrue. I write my offer for $135,000. My offer is submitted on Sunday. On Tuesday we find out that the seller "may" have another offer coming in so he wants all of the possible buyers to submit a best and highest offer by Wed. at 4pm. We look at our offer and the ton of research that has been done and realize that to get this house, it will be in our best interest to cover some of the back taxes owed and to lower our offer in the same amount as the back taxes that are owed. I fully trust the people that are in on this deal. My future FIL is the broker, my future DH is a guy that owned his own mortgage company. We have very good friends that are appraisers. I am in good hands. I am just now awaiting a word on whether we get this house or not. Honestly, it is killing me. I have been sick to my stomach for days. I just need a yes or no and quick or I may develop an ulcer. (So not cut out for this high stress shit.)

Rob and I realized that it would be in our best interest for me to put the offer in without him involved which is why we are doing this. At the end of the 3 year land contract the hope is that we will be married and we will go in for a mortgage together.

Tonight, he then mentions that I need to take some days off work. I mention that the days he is mentioning conflicts with a friend of mine's bacheorlette party. He seems bummed and wonders if I would miss it. Apparently, he had a weekend planned for us to go to NYC for a weekend. He also said that there was something important for me planned that weekend. (He basically told me that he was planning to propose.) I am torn. I want the proposal to happen, but don't see it needing to happen in NYC. If we are looking at buying a house, I don't want to have to take the extra time off work and lose that income. I said this to him and he said that he had looked into flights last night and had found some great airfare. After saying this he mentioned that anything that he could save in airfare would go to my ring fund. So, basically... I know that he is dying to go to NYC anyway. But, I would be thrilled to get proposed to, in NYC... shit anywhere. I would honestly rather him propose to me at our own house (assuming that we get it) and getting a pretty ring. I have been burned too many times before about him having big plans to propose. I just want it to happen, plus I think that anyway or anywhere that he does it will be special. Trip or not.

I got the info that kindergarten round up is in less than a month. Oy. Belle is showing her temper lately. I am drained. My job has been using me as a manger but not exactly paying me for it, and I am not sure how to breech the situation.

Thanks for reading. Any and all comments are appreciated.