no news is good news???

Let's hope that the no news is good news theory. I haven't heard anything on the house. Oy. I will most certainly have an ulcer if this takes too much longer. Thank you for your positive thoughts, prayers and hopes. You continue to keep me positive about the situation.

Also, thank you for reading that last blog. I was very frustrated, worried, anxious... every possible feeling under the sun. I know that only a couple few of you actually read this and those that read are those that I trust with those type of feelings. I can't express how grateful I am to you. <3

Enough of the mushy stuff.

I read about an idea today. A bucket list of sorts, except it is 30 things to do by the time you are 30. Do you have any ideas on what I should include on my 30 by 30 list?? Just remember that I only have 1 year, 2 months and 3 days until I am 30. No pressure though... right? lol

Where to start??

First off, let me say that I miss my mom forum. I once had a forum that I poured myself into. I made it run when the "owner" was gone. I kept things going. I had a moment of clarity where I felt that I was being used and not appreciated. The forum has since then went under. I don't miss the BS that went along with it, but I miss the fact that I don't have a way to talk to all of my friends on a daily basis. (Yes, Kristin, I am talking to you.) I miss the fact that I could post any random thought and get support and ideas on the subject. Yes, I understand there is facebook, but it is not the same. I am not about to post the same things there that I was comfortable to post at the private forum. I am very thankful that it really has shown me who my friends are though. I am a part of a local mom forum, but I feel like I am infiltrating a group of women that have been friends forever, and I am an outsider. Nothing like a ego blow to try and make friends.

This is what brought this whole thing on:

I put an offer in on a house on Sunday. I, me. Not us, me. No, nothing is wrong between Rob and I. In fact we are fantastic. He was talking about booking a special trip for us to NYC, because he has something special in store. (Not getting my hopes up though....) Here is the back story. Rob's dad called him on Saturday and said that the govt had revised the first time home buyers tax credit. If you close before 5/1 you can amend your 2009 tax return by 7/1 and get the tax credit (up to $8000) back immediately rather than waiting the whole year. He had a major bug up his ass and wanted us to find something NOW, and get it done. Here is the deal. We, as in neither of us, have the credit to get a mortgage at the moment. Our option is a land contract. We, and when I say we... I mean Rob, found a house for us. It was a house that he had looked at 10ish years ago. House specs: listed at $140,000, built in 1993 (new in house standards), 3 bedrooms, 2 1/2 baths, 2 car garage, full basement with egress windows (which means bedrooms could be built in the basement), 2 tiered deck on the back, yard.... (my little addition is the fact that there is an adorable little railed in white porch on the front.) It is cute. It is also like 3 blocks from the best elementary school in the district. The middle school is across the street from the elementary school, the high school is only a couple blocks away. Everything in the universe is screaming that this is the perfect house for us. We need at least 3 bedrooms. The basement gives us the option of adding more if we need it, or turning it into an office.
Since Rob's dad has been so gung ho on the whole thing, we told him to make it happen. He was the one who told us to do it, so we decided to have him do the wheeling and dealing. He is an attorney, and will be acting as Realtor anyway. So he calls, finds out there has been a low ball offer for $115,000. Supposedly, the seller counter offered, which we now find out is untrue. I write my offer for $135,000. My offer is submitted on Sunday. On Tuesday we find out that the seller "may" have another offer coming in so he wants all of the possible buyers to submit a best and highest offer by Wed. at 4pm. We look at our offer and the ton of research that has been done and realize that to get this house, it will be in our best interest to cover some of the back taxes owed and to lower our offer in the same amount as the back taxes that are owed. I fully trust the people that are in on this deal. My future FIL is the broker, my future DH is a guy that owned his own mortgage company. We have very good friends that are appraisers. I am in good hands. I am just now awaiting a word on whether we get this house or not. Honestly, it is killing me. I have been sick to my stomach for days. I just need a yes or no and quick or I may develop an ulcer. (So not cut out for this high stress shit.)

Rob and I realized that it would be in our best interest for me to put the offer in without him involved which is why we are doing this. At the end of the 3 year land contract the hope is that we will be married and we will go in for a mortgage together.

Tonight, he then mentions that I need to take some days off work. I mention that the days he is mentioning conflicts with a friend of mine's bacheorlette party. He seems bummed and wonders if I would miss it. Apparently, he had a weekend planned for us to go to NYC for a weekend. He also said that there was something important for me planned that weekend. (He basically told me that he was planning to propose.) I am torn. I want the proposal to happen, but don't see it needing to happen in NYC. If we are looking at buying a house, I don't want to have to take the extra time off work and lose that income. I said this to him and he said that he had looked into flights last night and had found some great airfare. After saying this he mentioned that anything that he could save in airfare would go to my ring fund. So, basically... I know that he is dying to go to NYC anyway. But, I would be thrilled to get proposed to, in NYC... shit anywhere. I would honestly rather him propose to me at our own house (assuming that we get it) and getting a pretty ring. I have been burned too many times before about him having big plans to propose. I just want it to happen, plus I think that anyway or anywhere that he does it will be special. Trip or not.

I got the info that kindergarten round up is in less than a month. Oy. Belle is showing her temper lately. I am drained. My job has been using me as a manger but not exactly paying me for it, and I am not sure how to breech the situation.

Thanks for reading. Any and all comments are appreciated.

I think the time has come

As I realized that 30 is approaching a little bit quicker than I anticipated... it is time to become a big kid. Time to figure out what I want to be when I grow up. It is high time that I go back to school and finally get a degree. The big question that is weighing on my mind is.... what in the heck do I want to do? I have no clue what I want to do with my life. Event planning is a possibility, the only issue there is that I have no idea how to get started. I don't even know where to begin. I would like to think that getting a job in the field would be ideal, but finding jobs are far and few between right now. (At least in Michigan.) Don't get me wrong, I like my job enough... for a job. I am getting older though, and bartending isn't exactly something that works well when you become old and moldy. People don't want their beer served by an old lady, they want hot, young, perky girls. I am already on the old end of the spectrum where I work. I am surrounded by 22 year olds. Tangent aside, it scares the crap out of me. I need to take this next step though. The idea of stepping back into a classroom and going that whole college route really makes me want to squirm. I didn't really like it in the first place, I doubt that will change. Well, I guess that I will just have to suck it up and deal. Another problem... what do I go to school for? I mean I am committed to event planning? Like committed enough to go pay for a degree?? I have no idea. Seriously, I am indecisive as it is... let alone about something that will impact the rest of my life. Oy. What kind of degree does a planner get? Comm? HR? Management? To be honest all of those degrees sound SUPER boring. I bet that I will want to stab myself in the face multiple times during those classes. My first worry should be getting pre-reqs out of the way though. I am hoping that I can do the rest of the pre-reqs I need at the community college and then transfer to Michigan State. But, if I am going to do this I want to be sure. I don't want to repeat my past and take a bunch of classes for something to realize that I want to do something completely different. That is part of the reason that I haven't gone back yet. I don't feel the need to go to school and waste money on classes when I am not even sure what I want to be. Any advice?

are we ever getting out of here???

Rob and I are dying to move. We are literally chomping at the bit at the idea of no longer living in this apartment. We have looked at places... we found a great place. Then, the landlord rented it to someone else. For some reason we are stuck here. We need more room. The girls need space to run and play. We need space for storage. This place is making me claustrophobic now. I need out.

depressing day

Today was supposed to be a good day. Today was filled with Christmas things. Getting the girls pictures taken (by me) for the Christmas card, going to a tree farm where they have a train ride to see Santa. It was supposed to be the day that helped me remember where my holiday spirit was. This day did none of that. This day has been filled with disappointment and tears. I had signed us up for a family night out at a local tree farm. Rob begrudgingly went with us. We were there for a whopping 20 minutes before Emma full out peed her pants. Like soaked down to her socks. So, no train ride, no reindeer, no Santa. I know she was finally excited to see him... so she was already really upset. I was upset because the trip was ruined and there was no way for us to stay. Emma just kept saying sorry in between sobs. I feel like a complete failure as a parent. I SHOULD HAVE KNOWN. I should have had extra clothes, just in case. I should have thought ahead. But, I didn't... now my kids haven't seen Santa.... we haven't had a fun night out as a family... it was just ruined and I all can do is cry.

now the panic sets in

It is that time of year. You know the time where you feel so strapped in every way... financially, emotionally, time-wise, creatively. It runs the gamete. To be honest I think this year is worse for me than in the past. I feel a wave of panic just waiting to crash over me.
Financially, I decided that we aren't going crazy for Christmas. The girls will get one joint gift from Santa along with stockings and a couple things from Rob & I, and from each other. Emma will not be getting a ton for her birthday either. I guess that I will let the grandparents to spoil the kids again this year.

Rob is finally graduating this weekend. I couldn't be happier. It is over. :) Guess, that means the pressure is on me to figure out what in the hell that I want to be when I grow up.

I am feeling zapped. No ambition, no holiday spirit... I am still feeling like a shell of myself. I was hoping that the holidays would come around and I would feel all warm and fuzzy and back to normal.

She did it again.

Allison from Petit Elfant is hosting yet ANOTHER giveaway. Check out this post about the fantastic giveaway from Freshly Squeezed. I have been drooling (literally) over the gorgeous designs. Can you imagine my family/friends reactions to theses beauties when they got them?? I would be the envy of all I know. Fingers crossed.