the glass is half full

I have always thought that I was an optimist. Lately, I have noticed that I am much more of a Debbie Downer than I have ever been before. This is going to change. I am going back to my happy go lucky self.

I am tired of being tired and seemingly always crabby. I am tired of having a dirty house. This is going to change. I am tired of feeling like I am not spending enough "fun" time with my kids. This is going to change.

I made a schedule... Every day there is something cleaning wise that will HAVE to be done. If I force myself to do the things that I have planned, then they will more than likely get done. We aren't a very scheduled family, and I feel like we kind of need the structure, for me as much as the kids.

I am going to go to bed at a normal hour, when I can. Midnight at the latest will be my goal for those days that I am not working. On nights that I do work, I will give myself an hour of unwind time and then it will be off to dreamland. Hopefully, this way when the kids get up I will not feel like a zombie. This should also help the "fun" time dilemma. We are going to have at least one day per week that involves getting out and about. We have a membership to the local children's museum, why not take full advantage to it?

Emma is going to start getting an allowance. She will have a list of tasks that she is required to complete in order to earn her allowance. This will include things like: be kind and polite & follow directions along with her daily chores (put dirty laundry in basket, pick up/ put away toys, etc.) I am struggling on how much a kid should get these days? I was thinking that $5 a week would be good. Let me know your ideas.

Rob and I are also going to have to be on a better budget. I am going to figure out exactly what bills are due when and how much they are. From that we will figure out how much wiggle room we have for eating out, etc.

I am ready to be healthy, like really healthy. I am ready to make the commitment. I am going to start getting into shape. I am not getting any younger and the longer I wait the harder it will be. I want to be a super hot mama!! I am kind of jealous of those facebook posts about taking a run. I WILL be one of those people. I would love to lose some of the leftover baby weight and tighten those abs back up. I figure that if I stick with it I will reward myself somehow, maybe a new iPod so I can listen to a kick ass work out mix with it.

Writing it down will now keep me accountable. Bug me about it, guilt me into working out if I haven't. I may need the push. lol

a year older

I am officially 29 now. It was less than exciting. Next year I am hoping that Rob does something awesome for me.

Mother's Day=awesome. I slept most of the day and was awakened with lettuce wraps and a coke from McD's. The kids got me a throw blanket and a bigger memory card for my camera.

Bday= kind of lame. Mom made me cupcakes, I was surprised with a cake at work. I am guessing that I don't get presents anymore... which kind of sucks. I take that back, one of my faves at work got me a pretty kick ass present, that consisted of Dollar Spot items from Target. Seriously, it was a Disney Princess explosion and it is awesome. (I am currently rocking one of my princess headbands.) I did get a nice framed picture of me and gfs too. I guess that I should stop bitching... I did have like 100 (not exaggerating here) people wish me happy birthday on facebook.

Other than that little update, there is NOTHING new going on with me.

Pissing and moaning to commence

You have been warned, a pity party for me is in session.

It seems like we can't catch a break. No house after being strung along for 3 weeks. We can't find anything else right now. We have needs and nothing is meeting those needs that we have found. I am frustrated and annoyed. Not to mention the fact that I would like to punch that seller in the gut for stringing us along for so long and then... boom, psych!!! You can't have it. Blech.

The J.O.B. sucks my ass. I got screwed into taking different shifts and essentially losing serious cash every week. Not to mention that now I am management again, which just means more headache. This reminds me why I quit 2 years ago. Trust me, the idea of a regular ole job is super appealing to me right now. (Minus that whole, not being at home with the kids thing.) A job that offers insurance!! The idea of having health care would literally make me scream with joy. No worrying about how much this is going to end up costing me. Did I even mention that we are open regular hours on Easter??? Tomorrow, I get to break the news to my kids and my mom/family that mommy can't do anything, I have to work. What a joke. Is Easter that big of a deal to me as a holiday? Nope. The point is that it is a freaking holiday and holidays are meant to spend with family. I instead will be with a bunch of girls at work while they are all bitching about the fact that they aren't able to be with their family. Sounds super fun huh? Anyone want to trade?

well...

No house. We just got the email. I pretty much quit today. Plus, with Vandy effing my bracket... March Madness isn't looking so hot for me either.

Over and out.

just a bit of a smile

I am smiling... slightly... we have unofficially gotten the house. We are awaiting official confirmation that the offer was accepted in the next few days. Keep up your positive thoughts for the next few days for me. I really want this and hope that this happens. Time still will tell. I can't express how much I appreciate the positive vibes that everyone is sending us. I have the best friends ever.

I talked with my BFF, she is going to move home!!!!!!! OMG I am so excited I could just pee my pants!! Her and hubby are currently looking for jobs back here. I can't wait to have my BFF back in the same state. Also, she is off birth control! Skweeeeeeeee!! I can't wait until I get a phone call that I will have a niece/nephew!!!

I got a promotion... well, sort of. I am back to managing again at work. I have been filling in as a manager for awhile now. Except now I have 2 manager shifts a week. Which is great and sucky at the same time. I was basically forced into the position. I am forced to give up a very lucrative bartending shift... which doesn't make me happy. But, I guess that it means that they trust me enough to run the place... again.

I posted a kiddie update at the girl's blog.

no news is good news???

Let's hope that the no news is good news theory. I haven't heard anything on the house. Oy. I will most certainly have an ulcer if this takes too much longer. Thank you for your positive thoughts, prayers and hopes. You continue to keep me positive about the situation.

Also, thank you for reading that last blog. I was very frustrated, worried, anxious... every possible feeling under the sun. I know that only a couple few of you actually read this and those that read are those that I trust with those type of feelings. I can't express how grateful I am to you. <3

Enough of the mushy stuff.

I read about an idea today. A bucket list of sorts, except it is 30 things to do by the time you are 30. Do you have any ideas on what I should include on my 30 by 30 list?? Just remember that I only have 1 year, 2 months and 3 days until I am 30. No pressure though... right? lol

Where to start??

First off, let me say that I miss my mom forum. I once had a forum that I poured myself into. I made it run when the "owner" was gone. I kept things going. I had a moment of clarity where I felt that I was being used and not appreciated. The forum has since then went under. I don't miss the BS that went along with it, but I miss the fact that I don't have a way to talk to all of my friends on a daily basis. (Yes, Kristin, I am talking to you.) I miss the fact that I could post any random thought and get support and ideas on the subject. Yes, I understand there is facebook, but it is not the same. I am not about to post the same things there that I was comfortable to post at the private forum. I am very thankful that it really has shown me who my friends are though. I am a part of a local mom forum, but I feel like I am infiltrating a group of women that have been friends forever, and I am an outsider. Nothing like a ego blow to try and make friends.

This is what brought this whole thing on:

I put an offer in on a house on Sunday. I, me. Not us, me. No, nothing is wrong between Rob and I. In fact we are fantastic. He was talking about booking a special trip for us to NYC, because he has something special in store. (Not getting my hopes up though....) Here is the back story. Rob's dad called him on Saturday and said that the govt had revised the first time home buyers tax credit. If you close before 5/1 you can amend your 2009 tax return by 7/1 and get the tax credit (up to $8000) back immediately rather than waiting the whole year. He had a major bug up his ass and wanted us to find something NOW, and get it done. Here is the deal. We, as in neither of us, have the credit to get a mortgage at the moment. Our option is a land contract. We, and when I say we... I mean Rob, found a house for us. It was a house that he had looked at 10ish years ago. House specs: listed at $140,000, built in 1993 (new in house standards), 3 bedrooms, 2 1/2 baths, 2 car garage, full basement with egress windows (which means bedrooms could be built in the basement), 2 tiered deck on the back, yard.... (my little addition is the fact that there is an adorable little railed in white porch on the front.) It is cute. It is also like 3 blocks from the best elementary school in the district. The middle school is across the street from the elementary school, the high school is only a couple blocks away. Everything in the universe is screaming that this is the perfect house for us. We need at least 3 bedrooms. The basement gives us the option of adding more if we need it, or turning it into an office.
Since Rob's dad has been so gung ho on the whole thing, we told him to make it happen. He was the one who told us to do it, so we decided to have him do the wheeling and dealing. He is an attorney, and will be acting as Realtor anyway. So he calls, finds out there has been a low ball offer for $115,000. Supposedly, the seller counter offered, which we now find out is untrue. I write my offer for $135,000. My offer is submitted on Sunday. On Tuesday we find out that the seller "may" have another offer coming in so he wants all of the possible buyers to submit a best and highest offer by Wed. at 4pm. We look at our offer and the ton of research that has been done and realize that to get this house, it will be in our best interest to cover some of the back taxes owed and to lower our offer in the same amount as the back taxes that are owed. I fully trust the people that are in on this deal. My future FIL is the broker, my future DH is a guy that owned his own mortgage company. We have very good friends that are appraisers. I am in good hands. I am just now awaiting a word on whether we get this house or not. Honestly, it is killing me. I have been sick to my stomach for days. I just need a yes or no and quick or I may develop an ulcer. (So not cut out for this high stress shit.)

Rob and I realized that it would be in our best interest for me to put the offer in without him involved which is why we are doing this. At the end of the 3 year land contract the hope is that we will be married and we will go in for a mortgage together.

Tonight, he then mentions that I need to take some days off work. I mention that the days he is mentioning conflicts with a friend of mine's bacheorlette party. He seems bummed and wonders if I would miss it. Apparently, he had a weekend planned for us to go to NYC for a weekend. He also said that there was something important for me planned that weekend. (He basically told me that he was planning to propose.) I am torn. I want the proposal to happen, but don't see it needing to happen in NYC. If we are looking at buying a house, I don't want to have to take the extra time off work and lose that income. I said this to him and he said that he had looked into flights last night and had found some great airfare. After saying this he mentioned that anything that he could save in airfare would go to my ring fund. So, basically... I know that he is dying to go to NYC anyway. But, I would be thrilled to get proposed to, in NYC... shit anywhere. I would honestly rather him propose to me at our own house (assuming that we get it) and getting a pretty ring. I have been burned too many times before about him having big plans to propose. I just want it to happen, plus I think that anyway or anywhere that he does it will be special. Trip or not.

I got the info that kindergarten round up is in less than a month. Oy. Belle is showing her temper lately. I am drained. My job has been using me as a manger but not exactly paying me for it, and I am not sure how to breech the situation.

Thanks for reading. Any and all comments are appreciated.